all images: EBU / Eurovision Song Contest

The Eurovision Song Contest is over. The Barbara Dex Award is over.

Post Eurovision Depression (PED) strikes again.

We say:

It’s that time of the year, yes. But we say: Don’t give in! Don’t give PED a chance!

This is why our trusted experts, a group of recognised gurus and psychologists, have developed a morning routine that we want to share with you! You can do the exercises anywhere and everywhere.

Important: In order to develop the best resistance against PED, you must complete every step of this routine, every morning, right after you get up. In the correct order. This is serious, after all!

Before you begin, open the window, create a comfortable atmosphere, drink a glass of water or whatever floats your boat.

Ready? Here we go!

Step 1: Get into the right position

Our Anti PED Meditation is a holistic experience for body and mind. Before your mind can focus on the demanding task of getting rid of Post Eurovision Depression, you need to put your body into the correct position.

This is the only correct posture which you must maintain all the way through Steps 1 to 5. Click “play” to view it, then do it yourself!

Step 2: Face the shadow

Now that you are “sitting” like this, it’s time to use your fantasy. Imagine PED in front of you, in the shape of a dark and evil shadow. Face it. Don’t deny you have it. It’s right there in front of you. PED is in your genes – but you can cast it out of your system every year, in dark times like these. But time is ticking, and you HAVE TO DO THESE EXERCISES every day. Don’t deny.

Step 3: Perform the inner look

This is an exercise that complements Step 2. Remember that you can’t get up on your feet again, or get into any other body position that might be the tiniest bit comfortable. Now, let’s face it: the shadow of PED isn’t only outside and in front of you, it’s right there in your body too. In your bones, in your veins, in your meridians. Face the shadow inside of you. Look within. Before you can cast out all the negative PED energy, you must irradiate peace, light and harmony!

Watching this song in full will show you how.

Step 4: Breathing exercise

Completed Step 3? Good. Still in the only correct position? Very good. Now you need to make sure you are breathing correctly. Just as Portugal’s Adelaide showed you how to “sit” properly, this fellow from Finland will teach you how to breathe:

Step 5: The mantra

Now that you are sitting properly, breathing properly and have activated your holistic spirit, it’s time for the mantra. This will finally loosen the most resistant PED energies in your system so that you can send them out of your body and into the universe.

Repeat this mantra 7 times forwards and backwards:

Tong-ki tong ri-ki kong-kong-tong
Ti-ki kong-kong-kong ti-ki kong-kong
Ri kong-kong ti-ki kong-kong-kong
Ti-ki kong-kong-kong

Step 6: Expel the PED energy

NOW you can finally stop “sitting” on the floor like WTF. This means you’re done with looking like this. With all your consciousness, focus on this step, because it’s the most demanding one.

LIFT YOUR BODY FROM POSITION 1…

INTO POSITION 2…

…AND MOVE YOUR BODY LIKE THIS FOR 12 MINUTES
in order to cast all the bad PED energy out into the universe:

Step 7: Reaffirmation

Now that PED is finally out of your system, you need to protect yourself from the danger that it will return.

First, ask yourself this question, out loud, three times:

“Do I have PED?”

…and then, as the ultimate and final step against PED, repeat loudly and clearly what this wise woman says:

And you’re done! At least for today! Remember you need to do this morning routine all the way throughout the next months to keep PED away from your door.

But there’s a silver lining: you can stop this daily meditation as soon as the intro theme of Festivali i Këngës comes through your speakers!

https://youtu.be/Z4R-dbg7EnA?t=4s