It’s the first semi-final of the Eurovision Song Contest 2016 tonight!

While we all wait impatiently, I’ve sat down for a moment or two and thought about all kinds of things that could happen tonight.

So… what if…?

…Austria doesn’t qualify

We’ve seen it before: Big fan favourites missing the final. Zoe joins the club of Kate Ryan, Stella Mwangi and Mei Finegold. Total ping-pong overload in social media, between “ROBBED!” and “I told you so”. What would be the other consequences? Our escgo! team would be sad, for a start – and similar entries would fall through everyone’s qualifying prediction in years to come. Wait though, Zlata came third with something similar! But OK: Austria missing out, it could still happen.

I’m like a butterfly. © escgo! / Felix Krückau

…Russia’s jury incident has consequences

No, they won’t sabotage Sergey’s invisible stairs, and there won’t be a GIF going viral within seconds. However, now that I’m already speculating, the consequences could well be that all juries must provide a livestream into their room, to achieve maximum transparency. I am actually serious about that idea (thanks, Russian woman!).

…Douwe Bob’s 10 seconds of silence get abused

The audience shouting political messages? No. The audience join in with singing “My Galileo?” No. The audience is busy trying to get hold of Hovi Star, who’s mingling among the people close to the stage, incognito, only to use Douwe’s 10 seconds of silence for some inappropriate behaviour. Douwe tries to ignore him, fails, and forgets to continue singing – so the “break” is actually the end of the Dutch song and the Netherlands fail to reach the final.

…the first envelope contains the words “San Marino”

Firstly, it takes five seconds for everyone to understand what just happened. This reaction takes longer than the next two envelopes, so everyone misses Greece and Moldova qualifying. Unless the whole universe explodes first, some TV sets across Europe and Australia are hit by flying food. Later, at Eurovision 2017, other countries take the Sammarinese example and sell their entries to the highest bidder. Liechtenstein makes its debut with a song written by Justin Timberlake, performed by Donald Trump.

…Armenia qualifies – and Azerbaijan doesn’t

Nine envelopes are revealed, and Armenia and Azerbaijan still remain. Armenia gets the 10th and last ticket. Azerbaijan immediately turns off the TV feed and finally knows the perfect answer to Dilara Kazimova’s question: Why start a fire? Could happen, to the pleasure of various popcorn producers around Europe.

Really, why start a fire… | © Thomas Hanses (EBU)

Ok, so hardly anything of the above will happen. Even though it would be a lot of fun.

But whatever happens, I hope you’ll have a great time! Enjoy the show, and may the best songs qualify!